Here are 10 rather humorous situations from the office that have kept me on my toes, sometimes driven me to insanity, sometimes made me laugh, sometimes made me want to hit someone.
1. A St. Louis Cardinals car magnet, which is, um, magnetic, will not stick to your plastic golf cart that you’ll be driving around your Florida retirement village. Yes, I’ll send you a Returns Form, but I won’t refund for senior moments, er, shipping.
2. We don’t ship to Canada. I’m sorry, I can’t just “sneak your province in there;” somehow our American-only credit card processing system knows that Manitoba is not part of the United States.
3. Why are you shocked that I have no control over the snowstorm, the flooding, the golf-ball sized hail, the incompetent UPS driver, and the wrong address you listed, that delayed your package?
4. Sir, you received a New York Yankees large women’s tank top because you ordered a New York Yankees large women’s tank top. Men, I know you’re not used to shopping, have your wife or girlfriend place the order next time.
5. Our “standard” size tire covers are not appropriate for your monster truck. Did you know that plastic vinyl doesn’t stretch? Unless you’re a redneck, “monster size” is not the same as “standard size.”
6. Instead of spitting nails that I can’t ship you a Notre Dame key chain, because the manufacturer no longer has a license to produce Notre Dame products made in China, maybe you should be thankful that your favorite team has chosen to make a difficult economic decision in order to voice a political concern.
7. Pewter emblems will eventually fall off your drinkware if run through the dishwasher one too many times. Read. The. Warning.
8. You are very special. Your alma mater was a lovely place to attend school, I am sure. But can you understand the economics of why we don’t carry a full product line for the North Dakota State Bison?
9. Instead of filing a claim against us with your credit card company, perhaps you should have a heart-to-heart with your grandson who stole your credit card and used it to buy a Steelers watch.
10. I’m just taking orders, ma’am. I’m not responsible for the Indian head being removed from the University of Illinois logo (we can’t all be birds and wild cats, would you just leave the Indian mascots alone, people), it’s not my fault that Dale Jr. is no longer #8, and please don’t hate me because I ran out of Boston Celtics stuff – who knew they’d be so hot this season.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for the family business. It’s just that some days, I don’t understand people…is it just sports fans?
I’ve been meaning to get over here! You have a GREAT attitude toward your customers. (The customer is always right, yes?)
Our son is a Huskies fan, so I’ll pop over to TeamMASCOT to see what’s cookin.’
Have a wonderful weekend Jen!
e-Mom :~D
Thanks, e-Mom! Go Huskies, eh? Well, that’s good to know, I sometimes have Huskies stuff that I can discount. 🙂
Nice piece. You experience similarly absurd things in the computer industry.
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BTW: That Illini “PC” thing. It’s just beyond reason how absolutely, inherently, and obviously ludicrous the whole “denigrates the Indians” BS is.
Simply put: With a few random humorous exceptions (“UCSC Banana Slugs” comes to mind), sports mascots are NEVER slurs.
You would never, ever have named a team (forgive the implied usage) anything like the “Nashville N****ers”, would you? Of course not!
No — team mascots are ALWAYS in some way representative of an **admirable** quality — The idea is that the team in some way embodies the qualities of the mascot which the namers, members/owners, players, coaches, and fans consider **desirable**. This means that slurs aren’t on the list of potential names.
Among such qualities one often encounters fierceness (Tigers, Panthers, Hawks, Spartans, Pirates), but also sometimes intelligence and wisdom (Owls), or industriousness (Beavers). Pride of place (Jayhawks) also applies.
Note how there’s not a slur in the bunch. Naming a team after a band of Indians (or Indians in general) is a sign of RESPECT for Native Americans as fierce, competitive warriors. You don’t call them the “Redskins” because “Redskins” were lame-ass pussies like the French (I mean, would anyone ever name their team the “Huguenots?” Well, maybe. How about “The Parisians”? I think not).
Claiming offense at such naming is nothing more than the Perpetually Indignant constantly searching for something to be perpetually indignant about. In a smart society, such morons would be fool killed. In our society, the only real choice is to ignore said idiots, or, if you have the time, rip their heads off with the above observation as the basis for the verbal dismantling. But never, ever give into them.
One of the functions of society is to protect the weak. Unfortunately, it protects the weak too much. As a result, people too stupid to avoid tigers wind up reproducing at least as much as people who were able to avoid tigers. And eventually, you wind up with a lot of really, really stupid people.
Too much tiger food.
Not enough tigers.
OBloodyHell, EXACTLY my feelings on the mascot issue. Never ceases to send me into fits. And good point about the Perpetually Indignant always on the prowl for the next thing. I mean, what else do they have to live for?