Here are 10 rather humorous situations from the office that have kept me on my toes, sometimes driven me to insanity, sometimes made me laugh, sometimes made me want to hit someone.
1. A St. Louis Cardinals car magnet, which is, um, magnetic, will not stick to your plastic golf cart that you’ll be driving around your Florida retirement village. Yes, I’ll send you a Returns Form, but I won’t refund for senior moments, er, shipping.
2. We don’t ship to Canada. I’m sorry, I can’t just “sneak your province in there;” somehow our American-only credit card processing system knows that Manitoba is not part of the United States.
3. Why are you shocked that I have no control over the snowstorm, the flooding, the golf-ball sized hail, the incompetent UPS driver, and the wrong address you listed, that delayed your package?
4. Sir, you received a New York Yankees large women’s tank top because you ordered a New York Yankees large women’s tank top. Men, I know you’re not used to shopping, have your wife or girlfriend place the order next time.
5. Our “standard” size tire covers are not appropriate for your monster truck. Did you know that plastic vinyl doesn’t stretch? Unless you’re a redneck, “monster size” is not the same as “standard size.”
6. Instead of spitting nails that I can’t ship you a Notre Dame key chain, because the manufacturer no longer has a license to produce Notre Dame products made in China, maybe you should be thankful that your favorite team has chosen to make a difficult economic decision in order to voice a political concern.
7. Pewter emblems will eventually fall off your drinkware if run through the dishwasher one too many times. Read. The. Warning.
8. You are very special. Your alma mater was a lovely place to attend school, I am sure. But can you understand the economics of why we don’t carry a full product line for the North Dakota State Bison?
9. Instead of filing a claim against us with your credit card company, perhaps you should have a heart-to-heart with your grandson who stole your credit card and used it to buy a Steelers watch.
10. I’m just taking orders, ma’am. I’m not responsible for the Indian head being removed from the University of Illinois logo (we can’t all be birds and wild cats, would you just leave the Indian mascots alone, people), it’s not my fault that Dale Jr. is no longer #8, and please don’t hate me because I ran out of Boston Celtics stuff – who knew they’d be so hot this season.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m very thankful for the family business. It’s just that some days, I don’t understand people…is it just sports fans?